The Age of Blatant Advertising

Someone at The Age must have lost a bet to their mate at Colliers.

If you though that Gen Y City Office fluff piece they dished up a few days back in The Age was advertising masquerading as a pointless article, then this one will knock your socks off. Now they are trying to claim that Gen Y are making Richmond THE place to work, and somehow pass it off as news. 

 
Gravitational pull of Richmond a generational thing

http://www.theage.com.au/business/property/gravitational-pull-of-richmond-a-generational-thing-20120617-20i31.html

In a time that the housing market is going down, and one walk down Bridge Road will show that half the shops are closing down, this piece of advertising is somehow trying to report on a real estate boom, and that Richmond is SUDDENLY NOW a THE place to work. And they are somehow trying to claim that Gen Y has something to do with it? I wonder if its any coincidence that the 'expert' in this article works for a real estate firm based in East Melbourne, which its pretty safe to assume would have Richmond as a sales territory.

It seems these days all you need to do is mention Gen Y, Facebook or texting, and suddenly you've got a newsworthy article! First Gen Y made companies have funky city offices with Fun Spaces, and now it seems they are making companies move to Richmond!

This article about nothing dishes out all the greatest hits cliches from the Real Estate sales handbook, including these pearls:

"undoubtedly the most popular metropolitan office precinct in the current market"

"Existing Richmond tenants were highly unlikely to move out of the suburb"

It then goes on to bang on about 'vacancy rates', 'rental growth' and 'net absorption'

All that's missing is the silver BMW and cheesy smiles and you could have wondered into a real-estate agent after reading this article.

Even this article's apparent 'facts' are wrong. One of the companies they claim has just moved into Richmond has been there for over three years. And not to mention that Richmond has had plenty of offices for years, since back when Gen Y's only trips to Richmond were school excursions to the MCG.

Richmond has been home the the textiles and clothing industry and their offices for over 100 years. Nothing to do with Gen Y, it was because they could use the Yarra for all their chemical waste (the good old days).

And after listing some other companies in Richmond, and their office address, the article just ends!! They didn't even try to wrap it up!

Office Space for a New Generation

What is it with the media and Generation Y?

“Generation Y” is one of the most over used and over hyped buzz words of our generation. If you believe the media hyperbole, you would think that people born after 1980 are almost a new species of human, and are so different to those who can remember the 1984 Olympics, that nothing short of a Rosetta stone is needed for communication across the generations.

A switched-on generation who can’t live without their mobile phones and Internet. Even though this could describe pretty much everyone in the western world in 2012, regardless of the decade they were born, it has somehow been attributed exclusively to Generation Y. Which I assume means everyone else is still using payphones, fax machines, and travel agents?

An article in The Age yesterday is claiming that now even the way offices are designed is all changing, in order to please Generation Y. And assumingly no other reason. Nothing to do with changing tastes, technologies or economies, which have been evolving our buildings and surrounds for millennia. I guess that without the Gen Y hyperbole, an article about how interior design is changing is no more newsworthy that the changing of the seasons. “Summer now coming around annually, because Gen Y like warm weather”

http://www.theage.com.au/business/property/coming-to-an-office-near-you-20120610-2047q.html

THE funky workplaces seen in movies like The Social Network may seem like something that only happens in America, but they could be coming to an office near you.

Only happens in America? Or only happens in movies?  Surely they realise that the Social Network was a movie?

New research by Colliers International shows the growing influence of Gen Y workers will change the design of offices, making them more casual, high-tech, green friendly and fun.

Research? Time for the big issues at Colliers?

Gen Y are not making offices more high tech! Technology is making offices more high tech! Smart phones and Instant Messaging are used because they were invented!

And offices are not green because of Gen Y. Are Gen Y the only ones who can have an environmental social conscience? Last time I checked, Al Gore was 64, not 24.

Doug Henry from Colliers said employers were already turning to office design for an edge as the war for talent heated up.

Crap offices have ALWAYS been a turn off for prospective employees. And bad equipment and technology have been a frustration for years, I'm sure no one was happy when the equipment department provided staff with outdated typewriters in the 1960s. In fact, I'm pretty sure the banking clerks in 1880 were pretty peeved when their boss showed up with knock-off brand abacus boards.

In this so-called activity-based corporate structure, first adopted in the Netherlands 15 years ago, there are no assigned desks and, in most cases, no private offices for executives. Sections of each floor are tailored to different activities: ''hubs'' for smaller groups and individuals; ''clubhouses'' feature more collaborative areas to cater for meetings and brainstorming.

If you can ignore the fact that if these trends did start 15 years ago, when Gen Y was in high school, which nullifies the whole purpose of this article, there are finally some truths here. But attributing open plan offices and hot-desks to an attempt to impress Gen Y is like saying that you've switched to generic brand chocolate because it tastes better than the good stuff.

In many offices, permanent desks are being conquered by the scourge of hot-desks; and execs are showing up to find that their office is now a bathroom. But no one is happy about this, not Gen Y, X, Z or A. These are cost cutting measures! Hot-desks and smaller offices means less rent, less expenses, and  happier shareholders. Not happier staff. People quit because of this stuff. And calling a meeting room a "Clubhouse" is just lame and patronising.

Mr Henry said good pay would always be key to the attraction and retention of staff, but employers could also appeal to Gen Y's sensitivity to their surroundings. He said young workers wanted to work for an employer who demonstrated a commitment to social issues and who operated in a less hierarchical structure. Both these issues had a strong influence on office design.

Sensitivity to surroundings? Is Gen Y a fragile species like Panda Bears? I wonder if the young employees at oil, tobacco or coal mining companies fit into this stereotype!

"I just don't know if I can deal with the office politics anymore"

''The research shows Gen Y workers require continuous and instantaneous feedback from management, yet dislike an authoritative management style,'' Mr Henry said. ''They want the flexibility to work to their own schedules - to break when they want to break, to leave when they need to leave and arrive when they need to arrive.

Don't like authority? Well your boss does! The door is that way!

And work to your own schedule? You'll get the same dirty looks from your boss for showing up at 9.30 that you would have got in 1979 if you showed up late to work after a big night of disco dancing.

''They also seek companionship at work, rather than just colleagues, as they function on a more flexible, social basis.''

So no one who had an office job before 2003 had any work mates?

The result was more efficient use of space, which could lead to smaller offices. It also encouraged an arrangement whereby desks were grouped by skills and connections rather than hierarchy, and which included more ''fun space'' such as lunch rooms.

Just like in the 1980s, nothing gets the office politics firing like office size. The big boss still gets the corner office, middle management still get the tape measures out to see if their office is the biggest, and the unpopular guy still gets seated closest to the toilet.

Offices have had lunch rooms for decades. No one has EVER called a lunchroom a "FUN SPACE". EVER. If they did, they would be ostracised from the rest of their colleagues and eventually fired.

Mr Henry said there would also be a growing requirement from Gen Y to work remotely and to have the space to socialise with their colleagues

Working from home = less people in the office = smaller office = less rental expense = more profits = happier shareholders. Nothing to do with Gen Y's 'requirements'.

And thank you Gen Y for providing us with the invention of bars and coffee shops to socialise in. Because they didn't exist before.

So although misguided, Mr Henry's wacky ideas of how offices function seems great. According to his research, I could show up to work whenever I like wearing a hoodie and sneakers, hi five people Teen Wolf style on my way to the office Fun Space, make a choc mint Frappuccino, and leave whenever I want. But in reality I don't work for Willy Wonka or on the set of a movie, so I show up an hour early, head straight to my desk, put my head down and work, and leave an hour late. Just like everyone else does. Hmmm I wonder if Mr Henry's company is hiring...

So for all those Gen Y's looking to enter the workforce, I've done some research of my own. Using common sense: Business casual just means no tie. Hoodies are not acceptable. Facebook is blocked by the firewall. Your boss would rather be in their office with the door closed, than listening to you whining about how your parents don't treat like you an adult. Flexible hours means Saturdays. Showing up late will lose you that promotion. Riding a scooter in the office will get you fired. And asking a colleague to be your companion in the Fun Space will get you fired and harassment charges laid.

Back to work...

Linked Out

The big news online today is that 6 million LinkedIn account passwords have been hacked.

The LinkedIn share price increased by 0.09% after the news was announced, bucking the downward trend of the past month.

The share price jump was no doubt due to the surge in traffic to the site today with everyone remembering that they actually do have a LinkedIn account, and then accessing it for the first time since 2008 to change the password. There would have been more logins, but most people couldn't remember their password to begin with. News of the hack also prompted many users to ask the hackers for assistance in remembering what their password is.

Facebook are watching the story closely for ideas on how to fix their share price woes. And MySpace has unsuccessfully offered their passwords to the hackers so they can make the same announcement for people to login and change their passwords. Or just login at all.

Having your LinkedIn account hacked can wreak havoc. Someone could update your resume for the first time in 3 years. They may even respond to the dodgy recruiters with their fake job offers, inviting even more fake job offers.

On the flipside, if you can remember you password, now is the time to add those extra post graduate degrees and blue chip experience to the career that you never had. If you ever get found out, just blame the hackers!

Being Lara Bingle is Being Boring

Some more self promos pretending to be news today on The Project.

It started out with some filler story about driverless trains, which naturally was a cue for Bickmore to talk about her son. Its just effortless for her now.

But the real 'news story' of the day was that Lara Bingle was on The Project. All of the praise and admiration lauded on her was a stark contrast to the way she used to be covered by this very show, before she became Channel 10's newest cash cow hope.

The appearance was to promote Channel 10's latest offering in cheap reality tv, Being Lara Bingle. This is another of 10's heavily promoted shows for 2012, and The Project is just the right advertising space.

I think the key goes in here. I think.

Of course there was the obligatory and confusing comparison of Bingle and Micheal Clarke to Posh & Becks. Hmmm, Posh conquered pop culture and the world in the biggest Girl band of all time, selling 75 million albums worldwide; and Becks is one of the most celebrated athletes of all time and a truly global superstar; and together they are worth over £125 Million. And Bingle and Clarke were... umm... Well Bingle's car was stolen once, and Clarke copied Becks' tattoos and haircut.



The Project hasn't been the only promo for this show. The nude photo 'scandal' was also some great promo. There's no question that this 'scandal', in which Bingle was 'unwittingly' photographed nude (again...) was part of the promotion of the show. These photos were taken of her in the apartment provided to her by the producers, standing in the window, topless, with her hair and makeup done. All in perfect time to drum up some interest in her show. The lamest part about this 'privacy invasion' is that the unblurred photos were never leaked to the internet. Come on, how silly do you think we are! Geez even Fev was able to get his nude pic of her onto cyberspace!

Watch the show an you may see more. Maybe.
You'll have to watch and see. 8.00 Tuesday. On 10.
Please watch, you might see boobs.

To prove the point the 'sneak peek' ad for Being Bingle shows an in-depth, scripted conversation about the pictures, which were of course shown over and over, albeit with the buzz kill blurring. So teenage boys - all aboard the Bingle train for potential glimpses of boob!

But Lara isn't the only star this show. Her evidently freeloading brother has moved in with his famous sister, coincidentally at the same time as her show is being filmed. In his 'meet the bingles' bio he's been Christened as "the definition of the Australian bloke", possibly because he likes getting into drunken fights at the races.

But even with all this going on, the prediction is that Bingle will go the way of Excess Baggage, and be cast out unceremoniously to the graveyard of the secondary channel without so much an obituary or goodbye.

This is because reality tv is all about the $$$$$$. Despite Lara's 'Meet the Bingles' bio, Kardashian or Hilton she is not. Watching K-Dash, you see that her idea of a weekend might include taking the private jet to Vegas; partying in the VIP area of Pure nightclub and drinking Crystal and Patron Gran Platinum all night. On the other hand, Bingle's high life weekend might involve flying Jetstar Premium Economy to Sydney, getting free entry to the Ivy and a $50 drink card. Her lifestyle just isn't exclusive or unobtainable enough to be interesting.

So what will be the draw card to this show? In other words, how will it be edited to make it interesting? Lara Bingle as the cutsie girly-girl seems to be the the angle they are going for. Will it work? Or will the drama and 'poor me' victim card be played, and show her whine about lack of privacy, while cameras film every ironic tear? Either way, the one thing you can count on is that this will be more scripted than an infomercial, and it'll be Lara Bingle selling Lara Bingle.

Time will tell...

World News: Bear in a Californian Pool

Finally, after all this unimportant news about the European economy and Syria, we get some real international news as only we in Aus can have it...

The annual story about a bear in Californian pool.

Just as the druids ushered in the changing of the seasons by the solstice, we in Aus can welcome the start of the northern hemisphere summer, and our winter, when we see the first bear in Californian pool news story of the season...

This is always a hugely anticipated story, and this one was right on schedule - May 30, two days before the start of winter. How many more stories of bears in pools are their going to be this year?!

And of course this story has had all the great one-liners about a "cool bear" and "chilling out", but none better than this gold from news.com.au:

'It appears the hot weather was "un-bearable" for one hairy fella'

Ah yes, its just not winter in Aus unless there's a bear-in-Californian-pool story. So dust off your jacket, gloves and umbrella; forget what daylight looks like; stock up on cold & flu tablets; and plan your weekend away in Queensland - winter has arrived.

Current Affairs and the Big Stories

The brilliance of 6.30pm weeknights.

This is when learning happens. Eyes and minds are opened. Horizons are expanded and potential is realised.   6.30pm weeknights is when growth, integrity and excellence converge.

... This may be true on the lawns of Oxford, but its certainly not true if you're watching tv here in Aus!

And last Monday was no exception. In what can only be described as a night of current affairs greatest hits, Today Tonight and A Current Affair showed that they're the masters of presenting stories that make your brain cells give up and join your liver cells in getting inebriated on whatever alcohol you've consumed. In a night that "Every Australian Must Watch", both programs gave us an extravaganza of the recycled old faithful stories that they do so well.

First up was an example of synchronicity worthy of Olympic Gold. And this was a huge story. For the 200th time, Coles and Woolworths were pitted against each other to see who is cheaper. In an attempt to be first to cover this earth-shattering story, ACA and TT ended up in a dead heat, and presented the exact same story at the exact same time. If you were flicking between channels 7 and 9 you could have been forgiven for thinking that your remote was broken. The supermarket spokesmen fell over each other to claim the cheapest carrots. So smooth was this covert advertising, that it was impossible to tell where the story ended and the ad break started.

Spot the difference

In the next segment, both ACA and TT showed us what they do best - the dig at the opposition, expertly disguised as news.

In another epic round of the battle royal between 7 and 9, their prize-fighters were out to defend honours.  First up we had ACA in an all out attack on 7's The Price Is Right, and how they're conning all of us.

but so right

That's right. CONNING ALL OF US! There was outrage, there was disgruntlement, and there was no bigger comment than this:

"And as you will see, Channel 7 has been caught out playing YOU for a fool!"

So how are we being conned? Well, thanks to ACA, we now know that the prizes in TPIR come from a retail website! A tv program is promoting a retailer! How can they get away with this outrage!?

Next we'll find out that Masterchef is promoting Coles, or that The Block is promoting Mitre 10. Or even that ACA and TT just did a promo for Coles and Woolworths at the same time. Lucky ACA is here to divulge this top secret information before we are fooled even more in this hideous scheme of retailers trying to sell us things.

Another huge issue with TPIR is that there are no longer 4 contestants told to Come On Down, there is now only 1! Whoa. We probably all need a few minutes to take this bombshell in. Deep breaths... There was also a dig at the small size of the studio, and there were disgruntled contestants who didn't win anything, which promoted another amazing play on words....

In a halcyon night for the ACA graphics department, if you thought 'The Price Is Wrong', couldn't be topped, you have been shown!


And over TT on 7, the counter attack was on. In TT's sights was 9's golden child with the golden Voice. In a devious twist, TT turned to the defence of The Voice host, Delta Goodrem.

In joining Delta Squad (?), TT sold themselves as defender of Australian music's sweetheart, who has been the target of a 'terrible and cowardly' campaign of abuse. While those heartless monsters at 9 sacrificed OUR Delta in search of ratings, thank God the white knights at TT have come to her rescue.

But in the assumption that their viewers aren't smart enough to remember anything that happened before the previous weekend, TT failed to mention that only the week before, it was TT themselves who were doing the bullying!

That's right, this week's 'Delta Squad' were last week the ringleaders of the pitch fork baring mob that were screaming in mad fits about how much Delta is getting overpaid. They even had their own quote to remember:

"While the contestants battle it out, the judges are cashing in."

Not only was there outrage about Delta getting paid to do her job, there were also unfounded claims about forbidden and scandalous relationship with Seal. A single girl getting paid AND getting laid - how dare she!

Well I've learnt so much this week. Can't wait for next week's 6.30pm lesson!

The Bikie Wars Project

In one of the most shameless but predictable self promotions of recent tv times, tonight The Project has dished up a 5 minute advertisement for Channels 10's Bikie Wars, masquerading it as a legitimate news story.

The 'news story' was all about the Bikie Gangs in Sydney, and repeatedly mentioned one of the gangs depicted in the upcoming show - there was even and interview with their bossman. Add to this the numerous mentions of street shootouts, turf wars and gang members switching clubs, and we were basically left with a synopsis of the plot of Bikie Wars. The article was even called Bikie Wars!

The next news story was about a neurotic Doctor who can't sort out her love life.

In a desperate stretch to make the promotion seem newsworthy and relevant, the thinly veiled story mentioned something about a law that didn't get passed last year that may have affected the Bikie Gangs. That being all their researcher could come up with, the rest of the story resembled a school project on Bikie Gangs, with gems of information such as "there are x number of Motorcycle Clubs in Australia, and a total of x number of members". They even had graphics to go with these insightful stats!

This self promo had all the subtlety of an ex Big Brother contestant trying to convince bouncers to let him into a nightclub at 3am. You could even see the panelists cringing while they betrayed their high-brow stances to pretend that this was news. You could just imagine Channel 10's Head of Programming typing up the teleprompters. In what I'd like to think was a protest against this cheap promo, Carrie even refused to finish the intro to the story. Career limiting move from Mother Bickmore!

The attempt at the 'bullshit cough' didn't go unnoticed by network management.

If tonight was any indication, I cannot wait to see The Project panelists when they are forced to promote some of the gems that Channel 10 has coming up like The Bingle Show and the Jersey Shore rip off!