Beauty And The Geek

What is it about Beauty and the Geek?

The premise of the show is possibly the most contrived of all the reality shows on TV. It has all the fakeness, fluff and over the top stereotyped gender roles to give it express entry into the trash pile of failed Aussie reality misses.

But somehow, instead of floundering, it flourishes.

SURPRISE! People watch!

Channel 7 has stumbled upon a winning formula which sees people who would normally prefer to throw their TV out the window than watch this kind of show, switching on in droves. And no one finds this more surprising than the fans themselves. Twitter and Facebook are awash with posts from perplexed fans who can't understand why they are hooked, but are happy to share their guilty pleasure with the world.

Maybe it's the so-bad-its-good factor, maybe it's the chance to laugh at the social graces of nerds and bimbos. Of course, there's the ever reliable audience of teenage boys hoping to catch a glimpse of some forbidden flesh of the beauties that made it past the editing table. But the rest of the audience? Who knows?

BATG is billed as the ultimate social experiment, but the outcomes are as predicable as clockwork, and it is anything but an experiment. The thinly veiled disguise that BATG is a self improvement show about Geeks coming out of their shells, or Beauties learning to be real people doesn't fool anyone. No doubt its an easier sell to the network execs who still believe they haven't stooped to the depths of The Shire or Big Brother to entice viewers and advertisers. But the rest of us know that this show has about as much to do with genuine human growth and as a company outsourcing their call center to a robot in India… but Channel 7 are happy with that, and evidently, so are the fans.

Its clear that BATG is to reality what a Bangkok market is to Louis Vuitton – a genuine fake. More time was probably spent on cultivating the Geeks' bad hair and Revenge of the Nerds dress style to get them ready for the show than it was to cast them in the first place. We know the Beauties are hamming it up for their next FHM photo shoot, and we know that the Geeks are probably hipsters who were previously extras on Neighbours. No one watches BATG thinking the outcomes will stick or any of the characters are real. And its not sold that way by Channel 7. The same can't be said for other reality love-match shows which actually claim to be more. The Farmer Wants a Wife claims to be about people falling in love on the farm, where it's really about city chicks looking to get their head on TV to start their modelling careers, and farmers who are just up for a quick shag.

Probably one of the best episodes of BATG is the Geek makeover. Once the pony tails and glasses are removed, a surprising number of Geeks amazingly have ready-made six packs, good looks, and a curious confidence that was never there before. Just in time to make them attractive to the Beauties for some fireworks in the final half of the series! Hmmm… Just like watching a B grade action movie where the aim of the game is to see the guy inside the mechanical dinosaur, the makeover show is all about seeing which Geeks are really geeks, and which are ring-ins from a casting agency.

Does this beard make a more believable Geek?

Another win for BATG is that Channel 7 has managed to resist screening it every night, a lesson they could have used over Australia's Got Talent, which died a painful but relieving death of over saturation. Maybe Channel 10 should take this lesson on as well; their textbook killing-by-saturation of the once funny Modern Family is a joke in itself. At last count it was on 8 nights a week. Maybe the low profile time-slot and advertising for BATG is also something that makes people less judgmental about people who watch it. There is no unavoidable bombardment advertising like there was for The Shire and Bingle, which, even if you were a closet fan, there's no way you'd share it with your besties on Facebook.

Whatever it is, Beauty and the Geek has the looks and the smarts. Lets just hope Channel 7 doesn't try to do a make over…

Who knows, sometimes the tackiest, most over the top and fantastically plastic things can become classics…

Current Affairs and the Big Stories

The brilliance of 6.30pm weeknights.

This is when learning happens. Eyes and minds are opened. Horizons are expanded and potential is realised.   6.30pm weeknights is when growth, integrity and excellence converge.

... This may be true on the lawns of Oxford, but its certainly not true if you're watching tv here in Aus!

And last Monday was no exception. In what can only be described as a night of current affairs greatest hits, Today Tonight and A Current Affair showed that they're the masters of presenting stories that make your brain cells give up and join your liver cells in getting inebriated on whatever alcohol you've consumed. In a night that "Every Australian Must Watch", both programs gave us an extravaganza of the recycled old faithful stories that they do so well.

First up was an example of synchronicity worthy of Olympic Gold. And this was a huge story. For the 200th time, Coles and Woolworths were pitted against each other to see who is cheaper. In an attempt to be first to cover this earth-shattering story, ACA and TT ended up in a dead heat, and presented the exact same story at the exact same time. If you were flicking between channels 7 and 9 you could have been forgiven for thinking that your remote was broken. The supermarket spokesmen fell over each other to claim the cheapest carrots. So smooth was this covert advertising, that it was impossible to tell where the story ended and the ad break started.

Spot the difference

In the next segment, both ACA and TT showed us what they do best - the dig at the opposition, expertly disguised as news.

In another epic round of the battle royal between 7 and 9, their prize-fighters were out to defend honours.  First up we had ACA in an all out attack on 7's The Price Is Right, and how they're conning all of us.

but so right

That's right. CONNING ALL OF US! There was outrage, there was disgruntlement, and there was no bigger comment than this:

"And as you will see, Channel 7 has been caught out playing YOU for a fool!"

So how are we being conned? Well, thanks to ACA, we now know that the prizes in TPIR come from a retail website! A tv program is promoting a retailer! How can they get away with this outrage!?

Next we'll find out that Masterchef is promoting Coles, or that The Block is promoting Mitre 10. Or even that ACA and TT just did a promo for Coles and Woolworths at the same time. Lucky ACA is here to divulge this top secret information before we are fooled even more in this hideous scheme of retailers trying to sell us things.

Another huge issue with TPIR is that there are no longer 4 contestants told to Come On Down, there is now only 1! Whoa. We probably all need a few minutes to take this bombshell in. Deep breaths... There was also a dig at the small size of the studio, and there were disgruntled contestants who didn't win anything, which promoted another amazing play on words....

In a halcyon night for the ACA graphics department, if you thought 'The Price Is Wrong', couldn't be topped, you have been shown!


And over TT on 7, the counter attack was on. In TT's sights was 9's golden child with the golden Voice. In a devious twist, TT turned to the defence of The Voice host, Delta Goodrem.

In joining Delta Squad (?), TT sold themselves as defender of Australian music's sweetheart, who has been the target of a 'terrible and cowardly' campaign of abuse. While those heartless monsters at 9 sacrificed OUR Delta in search of ratings, thank God the white knights at TT have come to her rescue.

But in the assumption that their viewers aren't smart enough to remember anything that happened before the previous weekend, TT failed to mention that only the week before, it was TT themselves who were doing the bullying!

That's right, this week's 'Delta Squad' were last week the ringleaders of the pitch fork baring mob that were screaming in mad fits about how much Delta is getting overpaid. They even had their own quote to remember:

"While the contestants battle it out, the judges are cashing in."

Not only was there outrage about Delta getting paid to do her job, there were also unfounded claims about forbidden and scandalous relationship with Seal. A single girl getting paid AND getting laid - how dare she!

Well I've learnt so much this week. Can't wait for next week's 6.30pm lesson!

Scared to a Sweet Sugary Death

Step aside Howard Florey. Your discovery of Penicillin has got nothing on these Scientists' discovery:

...Sugar is as toxic as tobacco and and alcohol. 

http://health.ninemsn.com.au/healthnews/8412778/sugar-more-toxic-than-alcohol-scientists-claim

So here we go again. Some so-called experts with over-inflated egos are trying to scare everyone by claiming that sugar is the next big toxic killer. Hide your children, the killer sugar cube is coming your way.

Armed and dangerous.
Known to attack children with chocolate and lemonade. 

What have these scientists done with their academic lives? Rather that studying for years and getting PhDs to figure out that too much sugar is unhealthy, they could have just listened to their Mums when told too much sugar will make them fat. Even the Cookie Monster knows that cookies are a "sometimes food". He doesn't need a University degree! The rest of us had it figured before we hit double figures, why did these guys need PhDs to learn this bleeding obvious stuff? A bit of common sense would have done.

Realising that their groundbreaking discovery was not enough to justify their next Government grant, the Scientists thought they'd kick it up a notch and throw in some alarmist fear and yell from the rooftops that not only is sugar bad for you, its the spawn of Satan, its toxic and its out to kill you, and a single donut is akin to playing Russian Roulette with a rocket propelled grenade. Repent you chocoholics, repent.

Some of their quotes are as toxic as they claim sugar to be:

[The Scientists] call for restrictions and controls on sugar that mirror those on tobacco and alcohol.

I look forward to the day that some underagers bail me up outside 7-Eleven to buy them a pack of sugar. "Aw come on man, Grandmas coming over, and she has half a sugar with her tea. Mums gonna be pissed if I don't score some tonight"

They point out that, at the levels consumed in the West, sugar altered metabolism, raised blood pressure, disrupted hormone signalling and caused significant damage to the liver that was still not fully understood.

Whats not understood? That too much sugar is bad for you? I've known that since I first saw a fat person dominating 6 donuts for desert after eating a bucket of fried chicken.

The health hazards were similar to the effects of drinking too much alcohol — which was, in any event, manufactured from the distillation of sugar.

Similar to the effects of alcohol? What sugar are they eating? I'll take two! The next round of sugars are on me!

Alcohol is made from sugar. Ok. Penicillin is made from mould - is this bad for you? Vodka is made from potatoes - mash and gravy shooters? Yes please!

As long as the public thinks that sugar is just 'empty calories', we have no chance in solving this.

Who thinks this? Who has even heard of "empty" calories? What will you solve? Fat?

In their commentary, the experts propose adding taxes to processed foods that contain any form of added sugar. These would include carbonated drinks, other sugar-sweetened beverages such as juice and chocolate milk, and sugared cereals.

Yes tax everything that anyone could possibly eat. Raising the cost of living always helps promote a happy and healthy society. There's no downside.

Other strategies included controlling access with measures such as age limits for the purchase of sugary drinks, and tightening controls on vending machines and snack bars in schools and workplaces.

Let me be clear. If ANYONE tries to stop me from buying a Snickers during a sh!t day at work, they'd better be armed with more than facts and studies!

However, the scientists stressed that to achieve a societal shift away from high sugar consumption, the public had to be better informed about the emerging science behind sugar.

'Emerging' science? Is sugar a new phenomenon? Has Sovereign Hill's ye olde boiled lolly shop been lying to us all these years?

The experts concluded in their article: "Regulating sugar will not be easy — particularly in the 'emerging markets' of developing countries where soft drinks are often cheaper than potable water or milk.

Developing countries? The Scientists want to restrict food in Ethiopia for fear that the people there are eating too much and getting fat????????? Consider the Nobel Prize for Science awarded!

When will the danger end? If you listen to this and all the other scare mongering that goes on, then everything you could possibly eat, drink, breathe, hear, see, smell or do is bringing you one step closer to a gruesome death. Your only salvation is to never leave your house again and not do anything that remotely resembles living your life!    

...Alternatively you could just grab a coffee and a muffin and get on with your life.

Toxic as tobacco and alcohol?
In that case I'll take two boxes, a bottle of Tequila and fat Cuban cigar to go.
I'll see you all at the cemetery.

Any anyway, there's plenty more things out there that are more scary than sugar...

Please Marry My Boy So This Show Can Be Axed

Looks like Channel 7 is dishing up a real winner tonight.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse than that 'Dinner Date' show with the French chef,  Channel 7 brings us "Please Marry My Boy".  This will reach depths of awful not seen since "Shopping for Love" graced our screens.  What makes this potentially even worse, is that Please Marry My Boy is on prime time! Does channel 7 actually think this will rate? Who thought of this?

And these will be the ugliest
ratings channel 7 has ever seen

It will be hosted by Ada Nicodemou in a move of career suicide.  She has clearly been photographed in an awkward position by channel 7 execs to agree to do this show.  But lets hope that she keeps them to their word not to release the photos, because this show won't even make one episode.  If anyone has any sense, they'll pull it half way and ask channel 9 for a repeat of Two and Half Men.  Failing that, a blank screen with the soundtrack of the shrieking of the women's tennis final would be an improvement.

Who will call time on this terrible show?

So many questions rage with this show.  Who approved it in the channel 7 boardroom?  Which loser guys will go on it? Will any of the women be looking for love, and not to promote their 'careers' as promotions models?

Can anything save Australian tv after this assault to common sense? Or could we go even lower?

The Arctic's a No GOzone!

Another hole in the ozone layer? This one over the Arctic?

Who's been using the CFCs!

Memories of primary school projects in 1990!