Underbelly Badness – The name says it all

If you foolishly tried to watch 9’s bungled Olympic coverage hoping to see some sports, no doubt what you actually saw was a two week advertising blitz about the tv gems that 9 has in store. A show about Kerry Packer and his struggle to sound like Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock; House Husbands - a show about trying to figure out if Gary Sweet As is supposed to be a father or grandfather of toddlers; and the latest instalment in underbelly badness, aptly named Underbelly Badness.

Like a kid who's antics have turned from cute to obnoxiously annoying, or a washed up crooner who just can't accept his time has past, Channel 9 is serving up yet another dose of Underbelly, even though the show's used by date has well and truly expired. Originality and fresh ideas are certainly dead and buried when it comes to Aussie drama. We've already had Bikie Wars (aka Underbelly: Bikie Wars) this year, which was basically seven dragged-out episodes of slow motion scenes and clichés leading up to a shootout of bad acting and wispy student beards in the final episode. So here we go again with the same thing, but different channel.

The main character that Underbelly Badness revolves around was apparently unknown to the police and the public, which basically means that the Underbelly writers can write what ever fiction they like into the 'true story' plot, and no one will know the difference. Add to that the fact that half the real stories won't be able to be shown due to court proceedings, and we're left with eight drawn-out episodes of not much at all. This instalment is said to share the same "underbelly DNA" as all the other series, so expect the usual underbelly trademarks of awkward boob shots, untimely swearing and deadpan voice overs explaining what was just shown.

And the fiction begins with the name – The main character's real life nickname was not Badness, it was Rooster! Underbelly: Rooster hasn't got much of a ring to it, but Badness isn't much better, and it makes the name choice even more bizarre. But even better than that, Rooster's brother's nickname was Undies! How Channel 9 missed the obvious name of Undies-Belly: Rooster is a mystery.

Cock-a-doodle-doo Mutha F***ers

Naturally, this badness will bring the same old faces of those Aussie actors nobody remembers - a who's-who of ex Home & Away, McLeod's Daughters, and Water Rats 'stars'. One character is played by a Bikie Wars alumni, who was asked to help out with the production budget by smuggling across some prop guns and costumes from the set of Bikie Wars; and there is also a returning Underbelly star, as it is assumed that no none will notice that his character has miraculously raised from the underbelly dead.

Plans are already on course for Underbelly 2013. This one will be called Underbelly: Worstest, and will focus on the story of a Brisbane family man who received a speeding fine for doing 65 in a 60 zone.

Sons of Bikie Wars Anarchy

A new series of Masterchef, and a new advertising platform for channel 10 to canvass their new crop of tv shows. 

First up in the ads was ‘Bikie Wars – Brothers in Arms’

Proving that originality and Australian tv go together like HDTV and Aussie Sports, this show is an unashamed attempt at an Australianised version Sons of Anarchy. And Australianised means lower budget, recycled actors, and plenty of out of place swearing to add shock value. No word yet when the bare flesh of the girls will come out to boost the ratings, but you can bet your motorcycle on it.

Maybe no one will notice...

Bikie Wars has been advertised with the good old “Based on a True Story” tagline, which is up there in meaning and substance as when “World Premiere” is used to describe Aussie telemovies. That single word “BASED” is used as a free pass by writers to create what ever story they want, while at the same time trying to add a bit of edge to the plots by claiming they really happened.

And there are no better purveyors of the “Based on a True Story” than those essential documentary makers, the writers of Underbelly, who now bring us Bikie Wars. To them, “based on a true story” gives them creative license to conjure up the most unrealistic stories, or just copy stories from popular US shows, whack a few real names from history onto their characters, and call it true. Just as Underbelly Razor was based on the true story of Boardwalk Empire, so too will Bikie Wars be based on the true story of Sons of Anarchy.

Nickelback?

The realism we can expect in this show is aptly described in an interview with the main actor, where he details the depth of research he put into the role - watching Sons of Anarchy. This research is clearly evident when he says he envies the camaraderie in the gangs "You take your brother's side first and I think that would be a beautiful thing to experience." This would be deep if the show he is describing wasn’t centred around a split within a motor cycle gang that resulted in a shootout where 7 people were killed. Taking your brother's side first, and shooting them second? Truly a beautiful thing!! He goes on to say that “honouring the story and the relationships at the heart of the drama was a key to getting the story right”.  Whaaaaaat? Does he think he is on Packed to the Rafters? Does he also claim that all the violence was followed up by gentlemanly handshakes and a friendly beer? If that’s the subject knowledge the main actor has, I can’t wait to see his realistic portrayal of his character!

With no less than 5 credited cast members who are Underbelly alumni, including the well researched main character, the transition of those truth seeking Underbelly fans from channel 9 to channel 10 should be seamless. I suspect the only thing stopping Bikie Wars being called Underbelly Series 5 is the ownership of naming rights. None the less, Bikie Wars will have a ready made audience before the first hired Harley is ridden onto screen by a stunt double.

I wonder if channel 10 are going to conjure up some artificial news about bikies on their 5pm news or on The Project, in a sneaky-but-fool-no-one attempt to drum up some publicity for this show, Lara Bingle nude pictures style?