Saturday, 4 February 2012

Scared to a Sweet Sugary Death

Step aside Howard Florey. Your discovery of Penicillin has got nothing on these Scientists' discovery:

...Sugar is as toxic as tobacco and and alcohol.

So here we go again. Some so-called experts with over-inflated egos are trying to scare everyone by claiming that sugar is the next big toxic killer. Hide your children, the killer sugar cube is coming your way.

Armed and dangerous.
Known to attack children with chocolate and lemonade. 

What have these scientists done with their academic lives? Rather that studying for years and getting PhDs to figure out that too much sugar is unhealthy, they could have just listened to their Mums when told too much sugar will make them fat. Even the Cookie Monster knows that cookies are a "sometimes food". He doesn't need a University degree! The rest of us had it figured before we hit double figures, why did these guys need PhDs to learn this bleeding obvious stuff? A bit of common sense would have done.

Realising that their groundbreaking discovery was not enough to justify their next Government grant, the Scientists thought they'd kick it up a notch and throw in some alarmist fear and yell from the rooftops that not only is sugar bad for you, its the spawn of Satan, its toxic and its out to kill you, and a single donut is akin to playing Russian Roulette with a rocket propelled grenade. Repent you chocoholics, repent.

Some of their quotes are as toxic as they claim sugar to be:

[The Scientists] call for restrictions and controls on sugar that mirror those on tobacco and alcohol.

I look forward to the day that some underagers bail me up outside 7-Eleven to buy them a pack of sugar. "Aw come on man, Grandmas coming over, and she has half a sugar with her tea. Mums gonna be pissed if I don't score some tonight"

They point out that, at the levels consumed in the West, sugar altered metabolism, raised blood pressure, disrupted hormone signalling and caused significant damage to the liver that was still not fully understood.

Whats not understood? That too much sugar is bad for you? I've known that since I first saw a fat person dominating 6 donuts for desert after eating a bucket of fried chicken.

The health hazards were similar to the effects of drinking too much alcohol — which was, in any event, manufactured from the distillation of sugar.

Similar to the effects of alcohol? What sugar are they eating? I'll take two! The next round of sugars are on me!

Alcohol is made from sugar. Ok. Penicillin is made from mould - is this bad for you? Vodka is made from potatoes - mash and gravy shooters? Yes please!

As long as the public thinks that sugar is just 'empty calories', we have no chance in solving this.

Who thinks this? Who has even heard of "empty" calories? What will you solve? Fat?

In their commentary, the experts propose adding taxes to processed foods that contain any form of added sugar. These would include carbonated drinks, other sugar-sweetened beverages such as juice and chocolate milk, and sugared cereals.

Yes tax everything that anyone could possibly eat. Raising the cost of living always helps promote a happy and healthy society. There's no downside.

Other strategies included controlling access with measures such as age limits for the purchase of sugary drinks, and tightening controls on vending machines and snack bars in schools and workplaces.

Let me be clear. If ANYONE tries to stop me from buying a Snickers during a sh!t day at work, they'd better be armed with more than facts and studies!

However, the scientists stressed that to achieve a societal shift away from high sugar consumption, the public had to be better informed about the emerging science behind sugar.

'Emerging' science? Is sugar a new phenomenon? Has Sovereign Hill's ye olde boiled lolly shop been lying to us all these years?

The experts concluded in their article: "Regulating sugar will not be easy — particularly in the 'emerging markets' of developing countries where soft drinks are often cheaper than potable water or milk.

Developing countries? The Scientists want to restrict food in Ethiopia for fear that the people there are eating too much and getting fat????????? Consider the Nobel Prize for Science awarded!

When will the danger end? If you listen to this and all the other scare mongering that goes on, then everything you could possibly eat, drink, breathe, hear, see, smell or do is bringing you one step closer to a gruesome death. Your only salvation is to never leave your house again and not do anything that remotely resembles living your life!    
...Alternatively you could just grab a coffee and a muffin and get on with your life.

Toxic as tobacco and alcohol?
In that case I'll take two boxes, a bottle of Tequila and fat Cuban cigar to go.
I'll see you all at the cemetery.

Any anyway, there's plenty more things out there that are more scary than sugar...

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